Embodied Grief and Wisdom for Healing, Sah D’Simone

What’s up everybody! Hi, how we doing? Crying, laughing, all the things. I think it’s a full spectrum for me too. So let’s take a deep breath together, feet flat on the ground inhaling deeply through the nose. One more deep breath in and out.

Cool, so before I start I want to just name that I’m at this stage, not the stage of neurosis that I’m in, but the End Well stage because of my mom you know it’s so uh bittersweet that how tragically she died is what kind of kickstarted me into this work into being interested in this portal between this life and what happens next you know. So my mother’s name was Patricia, so I just want to lift her into the space. Hi Mom, hi Mom, yeah, your legacy lives on.

In the context of what we’re what I’m talking about today um it’s coming back into the body. I spent so much of my life not in my body, hovering my body and through hovering my body I couldn’t remember so much of my life. Do you guys relate to that too? Yeah I don’t see a lot of hands, a lot of people yeah.

It’s wild to look back and realize like so much of my life I wasn’t really in my body. To remember to feel it to be with what was coming up. So through not feeling what comes up a couple things happen. We are trapped in the thinking process, we’re robbed of feeling um our experience. We’re robbed of uh relating to the present moment and then the bigger downside of that is emotions don’t just process themselves you know they just don’t come up and out they get stored in the body. We’ve heard the body keeps the score and I’ve had a really fun time with this to say the very least. I would go to the doctors and get MRI, CT scans, ultrasounds, all kinds of different things and I would always hope to hear some twisted thing that’s like you have the Big C. And it was always “you’re fine” and then I started thinking that I was like losing my mind, which I think I was a little bit too.

But the truth is that I was carrying a U-Haul of emotional baggage. I was tired, saturated, heavy confused, and it wasn’t until 10 years ago that I arrived at a monastery in Nepal, sitting in stillness, that it all came crashing. It was like “you’re ready to feel your feelings now” and I was like how dare you, you’re violating my boundaries you know toxic. But the teacher gave me very simple instructions. He said “come back into your body” and I was like, what do you mean? I’m in my body, where do you think I am? So it would take a long time for me to actually realize that I wasn’t in my body. That I spent, like I said earlier, hovering my body for so much of my life and it was really painful to sit with that.

Then through this process I then realized what it takes to be where the body is, to feel, not think our feelings. I think our society is so driven to interpret to give extra meaning to overly identify with it all and robs us of the simplicity of just being a loving witness to the experience of feeling our way through our lives. I’m saying all this because today if you’re in a human body like all of us here, I hope, a lot of emotions are being stirred up. These stories these speakers are bringing us to um to the edge. I feel like I’ve cried and laughed already so much and I’m like is everything okay? Uh and I want to just remind you all to be where your body is to feel your way through these conversations. To remember that every time you’re overthinking you’re under feeling. It’s such a simple reminder to be where your body is. To breathe, to resource yourself into the present moment and something beautiful happens. The way that we are able to embody the wisdom of the conversation is not purely intellectual; something really beautiful happens to the body where the wisdom lives in our bones.

I would like us to do a practice together to get us to be more resensitized to our bodies to maybe feel connected to feeling again because I think a lot of us who are in this field may be kind of frozen and stuck and maybe numb. So if you indulge me let’s stand up together. I’m going to take my jacket off as an invitation for you to take something off that may be holding you back right now that will allow you to move a little bit more. And keep your shirt on. Although I am gay and there’s mostly women here um it’s okay I can still appreciate. Okay so music, let’s go.

What we’re going to do start to shake. Breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth, in through the nose and out through the mouth, in through the nose out through the mouth, in through the nose and out through the mouth. I can’t hear you! In through the nose and out through the mouth. Deeper breath and louder sound let’s go in and out. Good we’ve got another minute here, in through the nose out through the mouth, one more in and out.

Now settle in, we’re going to take a deep breath in, gazing up at the sky and exhale facing forward. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Louder! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. We’re almost there. Ha ha ha ha yes ha ha ha.

Now back to the shake, back to the shake for a little bit longer, inhale deeply through the nose out through the mouth, haaaaa. You’re going to thank me later I promise. In through the nose out through the mouth, in through the nose one more time and out through the mouth. One more time let’s go.

And now we want to use our pelvic power so we may open up just a wider stance a little bit, inhale deeply and I want you to let out a sound. The grief that’s trapped, the anger that’s unfelt so all together let’s do this okay. For the dead, for those who are no longer here with us breathing deeply together and then let out the biggest strangest most chaotic sound you can.

One more time in and again. One more in and out.

Back to the shake for just 30 more seconds I promise, promise this good medicine for you. Inhaling deeply through the nose exhaling audibly through the mouth and then starting to settle. Softening the shake, softening the shake. Starting to gather your attention in your body.

Breathing deeply through the nose long and soft exhale through the mouth.

Feel yourself alive. Feel what it’s like to be in that body and if you can, lower the gaze or close the eyes. Trauma informed space, we give opportunity to remain with eyes open, but I invite you to lower the gaze. Just listen to my words, don’t need to look at what I’m doing. And sense, feel your way through this moment, what is here? Where do you feel what you feel? Where do you feel what you feel? Where do you feel what you feel? Going to that place in the body where the sensations are most alive. And maybe all you feel is the shortness of breath or the heart rate as faster. Maybe there’s tingling sensations in your fingertips or your throat may be parched. See if you can go a layer deeper. See if you can feel what is here. As Rumi says, “who’s visiting”. Opening up to receive feelings as friends and maybe you touch that place in a body where a big sensation is alive with the precious words “Hello old friend. Hello old friend, thank you for being here. Thank you for visiting me”.

Noticing the urge to think this process. Noticing the urge to interpret your inner world. Can you just be with your felt sense? Can you just be with your feelings as passing sensations? Can you feel without stories? When I learned to feel without giving extra meaning my life changed.

Learning to process life as it comes. Learning to process life as it comes. Learning to feel what we feel, when we feel, where we feel. Game changer.

[Music]

It may feel like a foreign language to meet your inner world and to feel your way through the present moment. We’re so habituated to think our way through reality but here’s a language that’s inherent to you, the language of the felt sense what makes being human so beautiful and painful.

[Music]

Now blinking the eyes open and meet me here for this next little segment. We’re going to inhale heart, peace fingers, tempo inhale again, and an exhale gazing up to the heavens. Arms down, down to the heart inhale, inhale, up, back down again in, in, hold hold hold. Test your material here. Remain. Does peace exists as you hold the breath? And out again, in, in, out. In, in, hold hold, can you explore your inner world as you hold the breath? And exhale, breath in, in, hold and out. One more with a breath, hold, holding sensing your way through this moment feeling your way through this moment, and exhale.

We’ll do a couple with an affirmation and then you’re free to sit. I know this is a lot.

Here and now I am safe. So let’s just whisper these words together. Here and now I am safe, here and now I am safe. It’s a reminder, keep going as I’ll talk you through this, here and now I am safe, here and now I am safe, remind them that’s it’s okay to be here to be in your body you have all what it takes to feel your feelings to process life as he comes. Let’s get a little louder here and now I am safe, here and now I am safe, here and now I am safe, here and now I am safe. One more time, make it count, here and now I am safe

And then rest your arms, sit down ah and just take the next minute, 54 seconds now to just check. How are you inside? Do you feel more connected to your body? Do you feel awkward? Awkwardness is wonderful and reminds me that you’re alive. Are you looking around to see how other people are relating so you can relate based on how they’re relating? How we live, huh? Come in. 30 seconds come in use this 30 seconds as an exploration of what’s happening in the secret part of you that only you get to know.

Maybe the mind is more relaxed the body is. Maybe free of tension or maybe nothing’s changed at all you’re still neurotic and tense. All good at least you’re aware of it now thank you.