Kelly Cervantes is an award-winning writer, speaker, and advocate best known for her blog Inchstones and USA Today bestselling book, Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When It’s Time to Heal but You’re Not Sure You Want To. Kelly will be joining us at End Well 2024 with her husband Miguel Cervantes.
Loss is loss is loss, and comparing or ranking types of loss does not benefit any griever.
EW: Death is often considered taboo. Was there a defining moment in your life that ignited your passion to discuss and address end-of-life experiences openly?
KC: When we realized our nearly four-year-old daughter, Adelaide, was dying, we discovered how little we understood about end-of-life care, decisions and death itself. I thought I understood grief, but even that became more challenging because grief from child loss makes other people incredibly uncomfortable.
EW: Given your unique background, how does your work intersect with the end-of-life and grief conversation — and please give us a preview of what you are doing on the End Well stage.
KC: Death and grief are overwhelming but too often they are only made more difficult by the way others respond to our emotions.
EW: Cultures around the world have different practices and beliefs surrounding death. How has your cultural background influenced your perspective on the end of life and grief?
KC: My culture would typically tuck difficult emotions away, but I was fortunate to have a mother who was a therapist and she changed that narrative by encouraging our family to talk about our feelings. I’ve enjoyed pulling my husband Miguel’s Hispanic heritage into our current family as well, and in the fall, we display an ofrenda to honor and remember our lost loved ones.
EW: In your experience, what is the most significant societal norm or belief about death and dying that needs to be challenged or redefined?
KC: No one wins at the grief olympics. Loss is loss is loss, and comparing or ranking types of loss does not benefit any griever. When we deem one kind of loss as unimaginable it gives others a pass at connecting with someone grieving that particular loss because it is just too horrible. Similarly, by saying that our loss is not as difficult as someone else we are diminishing our very real pain.
EW: How do you hope various professions and disciplines can come together to create a more human-centered approach to end-of-life care and experiences?
KC: Individuals and their families are at the heart of end-of-life care. Even amongst the paperwork and bureaucracy, that cannot be forgotten. Listening to stories from people with lived experience is one of the best ways to be reminded what is at stake and who this important work is for.
EW: Is there a book, movie, piece of art, or another form of media that profoundly impacted your views on mortality?
KC: The animated movie, Coco. It reinforced how much healing can come from remembering our loved ones. Healing isn’t about forgetting and moving on, but instead moving forward while remembering.
EW: Fast forward a decade. If the objectives of the End Well Project are realized, how do you envision society’s attitude and practices surrounding the end of life experience?
KC: I would hope that people are more informed about end of life services BEFORE they are needed. That we learn to acknowledge the complexities of grief while also allowing for the celebration of a life. That we talk as openly about death and grief as we do about birth and love.
KELLY CERVANTES is an award-winning writer, speaker, and advocate best known for her blog Inchstones and USA Today bestselling book, Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When It’s Time to Heal but You’re Not Sure You Want To. She has been published in the Chicago Tribune, Cosmopolitan, and Fortune as well as featured on MSNBC, NY Times, and CNN. She sits on the boards of CURE Epilepsy and The Undiagnosed Diseases Network Foundation and hosts CURE Epilepsy’s podcast, Seizing Life.
Kelly will be joining us at End Well 2024. Get your ticket now!