What happens when years of unprocessed sorrow, a new understanding of the mind, and a decade of wrestling with loss converge into unexpected wisdom?
In conversation with John Onwuchekwa, D.Min—pastor, artist, and author—we explore how grief, like metabolism, isn’t a one-time event to overcome but a process that we must learn to live with every day.
The Grief Connection
John’s metaphor for grief began with what seemed like an unrelated health crisis.
For three years, he felt his body slowing down—“working twice as hard for half the results.” When doctors finally diagnosed him with a thyroid condition, the treatment was simple: a daily pill.
“There’s no cure,” John explains. “But this pill helps me metabolize what my body can’t. And that’s when it hit me—grief works the same way. If we don’t develop a fluency in grief, sorrow just sits at the bottom of our soul.”
Like metabolism, grief requires ongoing attention. It’s not about eliminating pain but learning how to live with it—how to digest it slowly, daily, honestly.
Language as Medicine
So what’s the “daily pill” for grief? For John, it’s story—the ancient purpose of language itself.
“If we remember that language was created for story—stories we both hear and share—those are what help us metabolize sadness.”
He cites poet Natasha Trethewey’s insight from Memorial Drive: “To survive trauma, one must be able to tell a story about it.”
Storytelling, then, isn’t closure. It’s fluency.
It’s how we keep grief moving through us instead of letting it harden.
“It’s not a one-time decision,” John says. “It’s a posture. A habit you cultivate.”
The ADHD Revelation
John’s understanding of grief deepened further through a surprising turn—his ADHD diagnosis, discovered through his daughter’s evaluation.
At first, he resisted: “No, I’ve written two books, I’ve got a doctorate. I don’t have it.”
But when he began treatment, he described it like putting on glasses for the first time:
“I saw the leaves on trees from a distance and thought—y’all have always seen like this?”
The clarity was transformative.
“It’s not that my brain is empty—it’s just quiet when I need it to be. This is how people get things done.”
This newfound focus gave him a different relationship with process, attention, and the ongoing work of healing.
The Art of Integration
John’s next chapter brings these threads together. He’s writing a book addressed to his late brother—and illustrating it himself.
“I don’t have many pictures of us. So I’m teaching myself to draw portraits again, like when I was a kid. I’m writing to him, explaining these ten years since he died, and drawing both of us in the book.”
Faith, art, and emotional truth—braided together as practice.
John calls his work now “non-therapeutic human wholeness,” bridging spiritual care and creative expression as twin pathways to healing.
Process Over Outcome
John reminds us that growth isn’t about grand achievements but daily rhythms.
“Research shows we’re more likely to achieve process goals than outcome goals. Instead of ‘I’ll read 50 books this year,’ say ‘I’ll read 20 minutes a day.’”
The goal isn’t perfection—it’s transformation through repetition.
“It’s less about what I’ll achieve, and more about who I’m becoming each day.”
The Universal Language
What makes John’s message so powerful is its universality.
Grief, he says, might be the last language we all still share.
“Regardless of your faith or background—it hits everyone. People just want to be seen, to know someone is fluent in grief.”
In a world divided by ideology, grief unites us in our humanity.
Through story, art, and compassion, John Onwuchekwa is helping us all become more fluent in this most human of languages—transforming pain into connection, and loss into meaning.
Author Bio:
John Onwuchekwa, D.Min, is a pastor, writer, and artist exploring the intersections of faith, creativity, and emotional health. He’s the author of Prayer: How Praying Together Shapes the Church and the forthcoming illustrated memoir on grief and brotherhood.
Editor’s Note:
This conversation is part of End Well’s Radical Bravery series in conjunction with End Well 2025—exploring how people metabolize grief, find meaning, and live fully in the face of loss.